Perb for People in Open Relationships and Non-Monogamous Arrangements

My partner and I opened our relationship about four years into being together. We'd been talking about it for a while, we'd done the reading, we'd had the conversations, and when we actually started navigating it in real life, one of the first practical questions was: which app do we use? We tried a few things and the most useful platform — for both of us independently — turned out to be Perb. Here's what we learned about using it ethically and effectively from within an existing relationship structure, because the experience is genuinely different from using it as a fully single person.

Non-monogamy has grown significantly in visibility and acceptance over the last five years in Canada, and Western Canada in particular has a fairly progressive acceptance of it in urban centres. That said, the casual dating app world hasn't fully caught up in terms of how profiles and conversations are designed around the assumption that everyone is unattached. This creates some navigation questions that are worth thinking through rather than just winging.

To Disclose or Not: The Profile Transparency Question

The first decision when setting up your Perb profile in an open relationship is whether and how to disclose your situation. My strong recommendation: disclose. Not as the first sentence of your bio, not in a defensive or over-explaining way, but somewhere in your profile that makes it clear you're in a relationship that allows for outside connections. Something like "in an open relationship, here for fun and connection" or "partnered and non-monogamous" does the job without requiring an essay.

The reason this matters isn't just ethical (though it is): it's practical. Some people are not interested in connecting with someone who's in a relationship, and that's a completely legitimate preference. If you hide your situation and someone discovers it later — after they've invested time and emotional energy — they're going to feel deceived, and rightfully so. Disclosing upfront filters for people who are either non-monogamous themselves, who are fine with it, or who are specifically interested in it. These are the only people you actually want to be connecting with anyway.

The disclosure also tends to get a more honest response in return. When you're transparent about a non-standard situation, people often reciprocate with more honesty about their own situation and intentions. It sets a tone of "we're adults being real about what we're doing" that tends to produce better interactions.

What About Couples Using Perb Together?

Some couples use Perb to find connections for both of them — either separately or together. If you're using it as a couple account (one profile, both of you), be very clear about this in your profile. Ambiguity here causes confusion and often discomfort for the other person. "Two people, one profile" is the kind of thing people need to know upfront, not discover in the fourth message when they thought they were talking to one person.

If you're each using Perb separately, as my partner and I do, the main thing is making sure your own profile accurately reflects your situation. You don't need to describe your partner's profile setup. Just be clear about yours.

Conversations: When and How to Explain

If your profile mentions your open relationship status, most people who match with you already know and have pre-accepted this. So you don't usually need to lead the conversation with a lengthy explanation of your arrangement. Just be normal. If the topic comes up naturally, discuss it naturally. If someone asks questions, answer honestly.

Where it gets more nuanced: the person you're talking to may not have much experience with non-monogamy and may have questions or assumptions. Common ones: "does your partner know?" (yes, that's the whole point of consensual non-monogamy), "are you looking to leave your partner?" (no), "is your partner doing this too?" (possibly, and that's not really relevant to what we're discussing). Answer these with patience rather than irritation. Some people just genuinely haven't encountered this before and are curious, not hostile.

The one question you should absolutely be able to answer clearly: "what do your agreements with your partner look like?" People you're considering getting physical with have a right to know the general framework — not every detail of your relationship, but enough to understand whether you're genuinely free to do what you're describing. "We have full freedom for outside connections with disclosure to each other" is very different from "technically we're open but it's complicated." Only pursue connections that fit within what you've actually agreed on. Casual dating platforms are not the place to work out relationship ambiguity on someone else's time.

Managing the Emotional Side

Non-monogamy inside an established relationship adds an emotional management layer that fully single people on Perb don't have to think about. You've got your own feelings to manage — jealousy when your partner has a connection, your own emotional response when your Perb connections end, the energy required to show up for both your primary relationship and outside connections simultaneously. This is work. It doesn't mean it's not worth it, but walking into it expecting it to be emotionally straightforward is setting yourself up for a rough time.

Practically: check in with your partner regularly, especially in the early stages of exploring. Process feelings as they come up rather than stockpiling them. And be honest with yourself about whether a particular connection is staying within the emotional scope your primary relationship has agreed to. Some outside connections naturally start pulling at something bigger, and recognizing that early (and talking about it with your partner) is significantly better than letting it become a crisis.

The Western Canadian Context

In my experience in Edmonton and talking to people across Western Canada, reception to non-monogamy on Perb varies a lot by city and demographic. In Vancouver, open relationships are relatively normalized in certain social circles and disclosing yours on a profile is unlikely to cause much reaction. In Edmonton and Calgary, the reception is more mixed — urban progressive circles are fine with it, more traditional demographics are not. In smaller Prairie cities, you may face more judgment and fewer compatible matches.

This doesn't mean hiding your situation in less progressive environments — that would be the wrong approach for everyone involved. It just means having realistic expectations about your match rate and being prepared for some people to react negatively. Their discomfort with your arrangement is their thing to work through, not yours. The right people — the ones worth connecting with — will either share your orientation or be genuinely fine with it.

What Works Well

Being in an open relationship actually gives you some advantages on Perb. You're likely more practiced at clear communication and boundary-setting than average. You're probably better at separating physical connection from romantic attachment. You're likely to bring a level of emotional intelligence to casual connections that comes from having done the hard work of non-monogamy inside an established relationship. These are genuine assets in the casual dating space, and the right people will recognize and appreciate them.

My partner and I have both had genuinely great experiences on Perb. Not without some early awkwardness as we figured out how to represent ourselves, and not without the occasional person who didn't take our situation well. But overall, it's been a tool that works for what we're using it for — meeting interesting people for genuine connections, within a framework that we've carefully built together.